Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
