I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
