...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
