You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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