U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
