I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
3 2 1 whiskey
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
