I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
