The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
