all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
