he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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