yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
