barbara walters just said penis...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
