I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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