Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
