We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
