My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
