a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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