and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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