Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
