Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
