I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
