dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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