I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
