Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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