the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why is there bacon in the couch?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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