i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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