His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Randomize
