So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
