I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We were destined to go to rehab together
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
