Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
