I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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