dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
