i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
