Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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