What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
