Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
