return my video game
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
