Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
