tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
