saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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