he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
