Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
