4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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