I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
