Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
