Cold hands, warm shart.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
