I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
