wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
