It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
