dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
