Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
