Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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