So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
