I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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